Mr. John P[last name withheld]

At the party Sat. night I spent some time with a certain Mr. John P who’s last name rhymes with seltzer only without the t. He is, theoretically, going to be looking for a blog shoutout. he gave me permission to use his last name but after all the google stalking I’ve done in my day (what?) I don’t want to take the risk that someone googles “john [lastname] sardines” and finds my blog, and makes assumptions that he loves sardines. I don’t know if that’s true, see, and I would hate for him to get a reputation.This is John P[last name withheld]:

I didn’t go to the holiday party last year because of catastrophic car failures, but I hear John was given two environmental assignments for the upcoming year: 1. turn off the water when he brushes his teeth, and 2. bring his own bags to the grocery store. he’s done both of these and was asking for more assignments to green his life. John-who’s-last-name-almost-rhymes-with-seltzer, you rule. here are some suggestions for green living over the next year, pick two and tell me which ones you’ve chosen in comments.

1. buy a terrapass for your car. just because the mazda 3 is listed as one of the greenest vehicles on the market, there’s no such thing as offsetting too much carbon.
2. replace 1/2 of your lightbulbs with compact flourescent light bulbs. If every american replaced one incandescent lightbulb with a cfl, it would be the greenhouse gas equivalent of taking 800,000 cars off the road. and that doesn’t even get into energy savings.
3. no, really: if you’re going to buy a house, try for one in an existing city neighborhood rather than a new suburb. it’s more efficient to have infill because it restricts your necessary driving trips. and then we can have my birthday party in columbus.
4. If you’re feeling all excited about the environment, how about this week taking the slate/treehugger green challange? there are a lot of tips there that I haven’t even touched on.

dude, also: I think John has some seriously conflicting ideas about me. when planning my pretend 30th birthday party in columbus ohio, he suggested going to a science center to see dorky “the science of star wars’ shows, and also, artsy cultural gallery walks, and also, tossing the ol’ pigskin around (that might have been for him). I mean, it’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other, that’s for sure. but apparently we are practically strangers. We’re going to have to refine that list of activities if columbus is the birthday town!

It just occured to me that I should have towns lobby me as if my 30th birthday party were the olympics. bring it on, america, I’d like to see what you can offer ME.