I’m feeling awfully Blue lately about work. I’m tense all the time and working incredibly hard and it’s like running up a slippery icy oily mountain. Everything I do seems to be an insurmountable task. Everything I try to organize or coordinate seems to go wrong in some small way. I can’t figure out how to work smarter and faster and how to anticipate all the problems that are coming up.

Worst of all, I have a vague general feeling of constant failure. My clients are grouchy, my supervisors are busy, and I don’t get any kind of positive feedback from anyone. Which wouldn’t be bad if I weren’t getting negative feedback from some people. But negative feedback + 0 positive feedback = feeling crummy. I need something to balance out the bad! I need someone to say “hey, karinajean, you are working hard/getting things done/always there when we need you/quite a gal.” Just throw me a bone, already.

I know I’m holding it together very very well, considering I didn’t have a comprehensive training program, and in the last 6 months I’ve had to learn a new career, a new company, and how to be a task manager complete with financials and corporate structural issues. I know I’m responsive to the clients. I know things are getting done. I just feel like I’m not doing ENOUGH, and there really isn’t any time to do it all. I need someone else to task-manage some of these projects for me. I want new, clean, not under-bid clients to work for. I want to work on projects that have a little design. I want to be able to feel like I can close my computer and go home, if not at 5, then at 5:30. SIGH.

I am blue.