karina jean

I’m at 2 months and 9 days post surgery. I had a check up at the surgeons today, and it went very well. I’ve been getting along like gangbusters, I’ll have you know: I’m very strong, my left leg is only mildly atrophied, and they’ve got me doing standing-on-one-leg exercises. it’s wild how much I’ve progressed. Actually, I love physical therapy: it’s the one for sure thing in my life right now that I’m GOOD at. really – even though I wouldn’t have called myself an athlete, maybe that podiatrist that made me cry* was on to something. I’ve seen these high school kids who really don’t want to be there kind of floating through the exercises. I get all red-faced and sweaty doing lunges and kicking things and the stairs and weights. And I am so glad I’ve got my families weird ability to quickly gain new muscles.

Unfortunately, my insurance only covers 20 visits per calender year for PT. so even though my surgeon would prefer I was in PT for 5 months, I’ve been skimping out the visits since the beginning of the year. Luckily I was able to squeeze in 3 weeks of visits before the end of last year! Now I’m going 2x a week instead of the preferred 3 and have sworn solemnly on the dead man’s ligament that I will go to the gym at least 1x for extra exercises. My dr is suggesting now that I only go 1x a week or less so I can stretch out the visits as long as possible. He doesn’t want me to start running or jumping until March, and would like my therapist to be with me as I take those momentous steps. Dumb health insurance. I mean, I really appreciate them paying the 10s of thousands of dollars for my knee surgery, but wouldn’t it be nice if I could run?

* when I was in college, my first real (expensive) shoes gave me tendinitis on the tops of my feet. ok, maybe it was the fluevogs, maybe it was a combination of my falling arches and mild hammer toes. I went to a podiatrist and he told me I could never wear flip flops again and I burst into tears. He responded with anger, telling me it could be worse! I could have a clubfoot! He also said I should lay off the tae kwon do for a while, but then he said “but you’re not going to, are you? you athletes are all the same.” It was the first time I’d ever been referred to as an athlete, and it was really weird. Note: I retaught myself to walk along the edge of my foot and not across the falling arches, and now I wear flip flops with great derring-do.

this has been one of those weeks where monday afternoon I found myself saying “you mean I have to do FOUR more of these?” I am so glad it’s friday.

I got to bed at a reasonable time on tuesday, not early on wednesday, but was early on thursday. So nice to hit the hay. I did my laundry and it’s so nice to know that for one night, all your clothes are totally clean. Couple that with a made bed (I KNOW! when did I start making my bed! oh – right – when I cohabitated with 500 spiders in pittsburgh…) and I felt like a domestic marvel.

I’m really making a push to get my apartment all clean so I can start having dinner parties. That’s one of my goals for the year, you know. three, actually: one is paint, two is hang art, and three is have at least 2 dinner parties. This weekend is part of my “push to clean and finish fixing up my apartment.” I want to paint my bedroom and get rid of a box of martha stewart livings that stretch back for at least 3 years. I think I’ll make a date with michelle to help me hang up my art and my photos, she’s got a scary-brilliant ability to get things straight and well situated. And then I’ll have a dinner party! it will be wonderful.

I’m wearing my glasses today. I wore them last night and the mister told me I looked sophisticated. I came into work and the ladies here all told me I look cute. I am such a bundle of contradictions. My eyes have really been tired this week, and because I don’t get much of a chance to look away from the computer I’m going to be more careful about bringing my glasses to slap on at the first sign of bloodshotedness. of course, also, I am going to go home and stick in my contact lenses and hit the gym, but you know. whatever I can do to keep my peepers happy and bright, I should do.

To tell you the truth, I do like my glasses, a lot. I like how I look in them, too. what I DON’T like is having to clean rain drops or fog off of them. I don’t like not being able to wear my sunglasses when I drive. I don’t like how they slip off of my face. When I was in school, I didn’t like having to raise or lower my whole head when I looked up to the board from my notes. Other than that, of course, my glasses are super.

Um. Not much else to say except GO STEELERS!

I am so tired today. I got the week off to a bad start, I stayed up late on sunday working on my presentation for the water and environment association meeting session that I’m giving next week. I had to deliver it today at work – it’s one of my annual goals. So I was up past my bedtime on sunday, and then up early on monday because my sweet brother calls me sometimes before he gets to work (which is plain old 6:45 AM for me) and it throws me off sometimes to wake up like that. Don’t get me wrong – I love talking to him and have assured him that it’s ok. but YAWN.

last night were two late doctors appts. I didn’t get home until 10ish. I meant to get straight into bed but that was too hard to do, and I ended up staying up until almost 12. SAD. I fell asleep while on the phone with the mister. Today has been gruesome and brutally hard. Tonight I am going home, doing laundry, and then it’s early to bed with me. for sure.

I just found out that over the course of my lifetime I might make 1.2 million dollars less than my male counterparts.

Seriously, the list over at mother jones is very chilling. I went around the office and said to the ladies: “I may be getting all radical feminist on you here, but did you know…”

here are a few of my favorites (a dubious honor):

• For full-time working fathers, each child correlates to a 2.1% earnings increase. For working moms, it’s a 2.5% loss.
• Women make 80¢ on the male dollar, even accounting for time off to raise kids. If that factor is not accounted for, women make 56¢.
• Over her career, the average working woman loses $1.2 million to wage inequity.
• Since 1963, when the Equal Pay Act was signed, the wage gap has closed by less than half a cent per year.
• Magazines that run lists of “best” firms for women to work for often accept pay-to-play advertising or use self-reported data. Working Mother lists firms facing class-action suits for sex harassment and pregnancy discrimination.
• Women over 65 are almost twice as likely to be poor as men.
• Actresses over 40 account for 9% of movie roles. Actors over 40 account for 30%.
• Chances that a Best Actress winner portrayed a prostitute, a nun, or a mute: 1 in 8.
• 69% of men believe America would be better off if women occupied more top political jobs. Only 61% of women agree.
• Among Republicans, that split is 52% to 34%.

These statistics really run the gamut of economic, social, and cultural inequalities. it’s amazing. a friend of mine mentioned hearing on the news (BBC or something) that we need to start couching these inequalities in terms of marriage: if a man finds out that his wife will end up losing 1.2 million dollars, that impacts his household, and himself, directly. if that’s what it takes to effect change, then so be it. y’all ALL could be millionaires!

Don’t tell anyone, but my favorite week to work is btwn xmas and nye. Sure, it’s better to have it off. But everyone is relaxed, there’s just a few last minute end of year things to do, and most of the PMs have vacation time that they HAVE to take before the end of the year or they’ll lose it forever.

So, here’s my month-by-month year in review. Some of this is on the webpage, some isn’t for no other reason than I just never got around to posting it.

January Start using wordpress on this here page. Still working on thesis, last minute reviews taking a very long time. Go for a week visit at gramma’s house.

February Sort of officially finish thesis. Still working on campus. Begin short-lived reviews of PGH fish sandwiches. Write a crafty book review of a crafty book. Crafty retreat in catskills, followed by nearly crashing my car. If by nearly you mean bouncing it off of a tractor trailer wheel while everyone proceeds down the highway at 80 mph. Begin “things on crackers” diet. Get job offer for CurrentJob, after a really fun and satisfying phone interview. Begin salary and vacation negotiations, which are very scary, but very important.

March Accept CurrentJob. Begin obsessive research about n. nj and her library system. Try to find an apartment in a blizzard, and decide instead to be homeless for a month while I find a place to live. And by homeless, I mean, crash at the beau’s. Break up with Pittsburgh and with Michelle. Discover that I am contaminated with little to no mercury. Start new job. Am walked in on in the shower while living with 500 boys at the beau’s.

April Try to determine best way to deal with infestation of dirty dishes. Learn how to inject molasses into the ground. Get an apartment, a work laptop, and a birthday all on the same weekend. Obsess about driving to work, but determine that contrary to all rumors, NJ is actually very pretty in the spring. Go to the Netherlands. Return, find a CSA.

May Marathon weekend of moving from Pittsburgh. Paint living room and kitchen, nearly develop rotator cuff injury, promptly run out of steam. Return to PGH to officially graduate. Get a digicam. Join a gym. Flip out at predatory lending credit union who is taking advantage of my baby brother. Mommy’s lump is a non-issue, and Daddy goes to hospital after walking around with chest pains for a week. Marathon trip to PGH to help Michelle move, via Albany to visit the dadster.

June Frantically sew dress. Wear it to Paulina’s wedding in Miami. Dadster remains in hospital for 2 weeks, getting home in time for father’s day. Go to renn fair with Fabulous Matt M. to see Fabulous Gabulon. Put name on list for honda civic hybrid. Begin obsessive research about new technologies involved. Start CSA season, and also, start really truly trying to eat all of those darn vegetables. Make Tang Pie. Attend Ron and Caroline’s wedding.

July Buy paint for hall and bedroom. Put it down, and don’t pick it up again for quite some time. Lose my voice. Begin summer of guacamole and mojitos (not related to each other, or to the lost voice). 3-D birthday party in albany. Learn to make green curry. Drive to western NY to pick up diesel camper van Wayne with superhero brother and sidekick nephew. Begin period of crushing self doubt at work.

August Add weekly 3+ hour PE review course (located up to 2 hrs away from work) to my crushing slate of activities and responsibilities. Go on vacation at Assateague. Come back. Experience sensation at work quite like a house of cards falling about my ears. Continue period of crushing self doubt at work, see also, addition of only negative feedback received into professional life. Finalize thesis, for real, this time. Find out new civic will only be CVT, not manual transmission.

September Become livid and sorrowful about poverty and structural violence in our country. Sew another dress, wear to Brian and Lynn’s wedding. Start to lose battle against the mountain of vegetables, but continue to give it best shot. Continue work and PE review course, crushing self-doubts, negative feedback. Begin reading productivity books. Also begin secretly planning to get an insight instead of a civic.

October Discover phenomenal bloody mary’s at crab house in edgewater. Buy an MP3 player. Read an excessive number of comfortable books. have a glimmer of positive thinking, but still feel overwhelmed at work. Am accepted to present in an as yet still upcoming professional conference. Move to new office space in Edison. Cram cram cram for PE, take it, feel very vague and ambivalent and that at least it’s over, and I can’t do a thing about it for another 4 months+.

November Go to PGH for mariss’ 30th birthday. Begin getting professional help for blueness issues, including also relationship things. Surreal anniversary with the best gift ever for matt. Crafty retreat with girlfriends! Fog over professional life begins to lift. Paint hallway (finally!). Order insight! Begin obsessive research about insight, tax deductions, etc. Discover my ACL is totally missing, schedule surgery for ASAP.

December Have surgery. Go to dad’s house to recover, come back, watch DVDs constantly, begin to feel like a shut in. Arm wrestle with honda dealer to get a car in a timely fashion. Get internets at home. Return to work, start physical therapy, become very emotional. Wayne gets too cold to move, have him towed to a brilliant diesel mechanic one town south. Office holiday party. Attempt to attend PGH holiday party, but am stranded in Somerset PA over the weekend. Winter solstice, aka, shortest and darkest day of the year: “it’s all brighter and better after this!” Pick up new car! Xmas in Albany, DanAaron , winning best brother of the year award foshizzle, drives Wayne home to live behind the barn for the winter. Fog begins to lift over personal life as well. mourn flo as I arrange to donate her to charity.

And that brings us to today. This year was tulmultuous, busy, crazed, and full of life changes. I am exhausted just compiling that list! I have to quit the internets for a while and get some coffee and chocolate to recover.

at xmas with mom today I took a bunch of old photos and scanned them. you can see them here, but because I’m not shy and am feeling really great about how good, albeit goofy, I looked as a teenager (why were were so tough on ourselves?) you can see the expecially special show of the school photos featuring my brother and myself. Gosh, hair was hard in the early 90s.

And there’s this exceptionally cute photo of me, too:

went to PT last night, and it wasn’t horrible torture like I was afraid it would be. there was a period of being very scared as she tried to bend my leg backwards, but other than that it was pretty great. It took a long time, though, I was there for 2 hours. I’ll be going for the next 12 weeks (or as long as the insurance lasts) 3 days a week. how time consuming! but also, I guess, how great, that I’ll be able to get this taken care of.

nongruesome photos of my knee post-surgery are here.

so, here’s where I fell:

and our safety apparatus installed after I fell:

here’s my fat knee 3 days after the surgery

and here’s my less fat knee 7 days after the surgery

looks not so different, I guess…

today I made it to work but it was really hard getting here, and I’m so tired. I was out too late last night and should have gotten more sleep, but I didn’t, so that might be coloring how I feel today. sigh. plus, I don’t know what to do with myself here at work. one of the problems with insisting on not being that important and having the ability to leave work at work when you’re out? you’re not sure where to start when you’re back. sigh.