I kind of stumbled into one of those movie sets in your head yesterday. I was taking the subway downtown to meet a friend for dinner, and it was late, I was running about 20 minutes late. I walked into the subway station at Grand Central and it was so cold outside that my face felt crisp and leathery, and once I got inside it was still cold enough to see my breath. I zipped in through the turnstile and then the lighting seemed to subtly change, and there was a man playing a mournful, beautiful, slow latin guitar. I heard him, but didnâ€™t consciously recognize that he was playing until I looked down the stairs and saw the train I had hoped to catch zoom down the tracks and out of the station. There was a tear in my eye from the icy winds, and it started to run down my cold cheek as my train left and the guitar-of-missed-connections played softly in the background.
And then I walked down the stairs to the platform, and started walking along the tracks edge. Thereâ€™s a game New Yorkers play where they walk really close to the edge of a crowded platform because theyâ€™re in a Big Hurry. I played that game as I walked to the back of the subway platform. And as I walked, I passed a different band of musicians. The platform musicians were playing Afro-Caribbean style music, heavy with rhythm and energy. So I walked faster, and as I walked a new train came into the station, one that was very close to the one I had just missed. So life goes on, no? and with heavily rhythmic music to boot!
Once I got on the train I thought whimsically how perfectly the last minute of my life had been choreographed. See, sometimes, in a city as vibrant as New York, you really do feel as though youâ€™re living in a movie.
So, itâ€™s still very cold outside.
Not so cold that I didnâ€™t want to get ice cream for dinner last night, though. I love ice cream. I didnâ€™t, because I have been trying so hard to watch what I eat. You know that 205? Well, Iâ€™m down to 200. Not bad for a week and a half, but Iâ€™m also thinking it had a lot to do with water retention. Ahem. And also, just to explain to anyone whoâ€™s not familiar with me, well, very skinny for me is 175. Because Iâ€™m very very tall, and my family puts on muscles like they would a t-shirt in the morning. (Ok, not sure what that means.) So, Iâ€™m not horribly obese even though I did a back calculation of my BMI and it says I should weigh between 143 and 179. That crazy BMI, it doesnâ€™t mean anything! What kind of a range is that? A 36 pound range!
This weekend Iâ€™m planning on working on so many applications my head may spin. Itâ€™s going to be great. I donâ€™t know if Iâ€™ll get them done, but Iâ€™m planning on using my handspring and my stowaway keyboard to work so hard on them. I sent out my recommendation information earlier in the week, and I do feel bad that now my reviewers only have about a week and a half to get everything done. Iâ€™m applying to 4 schools, but one of the schools is a joint program, so thereâ€™re two recommendations to do. Luckily, all but one of them are form applications with the same sort of brief essay question, so I do think the information will be one of the done-once, copied-many-times situations.
Been thinking a lot about privacy and what Iâ€™m doing with this web page. Mostly, Iâ€™ve decided to not think about it for a while. I wonder if I donâ€™t have the ego to write publicly, because I donâ€™t know how to react if people mention the site to me â€“ I mean, I like it, sure, but â€¦ well, itâ€™s like when I was little, and people would say I did something well. I craved that validation but I didnâ€™t know how to accept it gracefully. Mostly because I didnâ€™t really feel like I had done anything special, and also, because I was kind of insecure about myself, and any extra attention sort of overwhelmed me. So while Iâ€™m getting better at smiling graciously and saying thank you in the face of a compliment, I am also secretly wondering what they REALLY think.
Aah, my youngster insecurities. Still kicking, after all those years!
Happy weekend, yâ€™all â€“